Heartless Heathers

2017 Heartless Heathers

Eaters of faces. Snatchers of hearts. Slayers of enemies.

VALKYRIESpl noun val-ˈkir-ē From Old Norse. Literally means “choosers of the slain.” Often seen riding wild wolves and mustangs, or soaring through the air like ravens scavenging for souls. Beautiful warrior shieldmaidens armed with helmets and spears. Associated with fairness, supernatural powers, and bloodshed.

If you meet a Valkyrie in battle, it means only one thing: your demise is imminent.

Roster

Adrinaline Crush - Heartless Heathers

Adrinaline Crush
#125

Belle Starr - Heartless Heathers

Belle Starr
#1889

The Blast Unicorn - Heartless Heathers

The Blast Unicorn
#17

Chynadoll Assassin - Heartless Heathers

Chynadoll Assassin
#8 (Captain)

CohnDuct Disorder - Heartless Heathers

CohnDuct Disorder
“Balls” #5150

Des - Heartless Heathers

Des
#925

Faye Tality - Heartless Heathers

Faye Tality
#21

Frankenskate - Heartless Heathers

Frankenskate
#52

Glamazon Prime - Heartless Heathers

Glamazon Prime
#42

Headache - Heartless Heathers

Headache
#71

Melicious Intentions - Heartless Heathers

Melicious Intentions
#163

Mia Palau - Heartless Heathers

Mia Palau
#247

ShredHer Cheese - Heartless Heathers

ShredHer Cheese
#64

Short Latte - Heartless Heathers

Short Latte
#802

Sui Jennaris - Heartless Heathers

Sui Jennaris
#9

Tegan N. Scare-ya - Heartless Heathers

Tegan N. Scare-ya
#424 (Captain)

Toxic Haste - Heartless Heathers

Toxic Haste
#31

Zeri0sa - Heartless Heathers

Zeri0sa
#0

Coaches

Coach Mel Mangles - Heartless Heathers

Mel Mangles

Coach Zissou - Heartless Heathers

Zissou

Injured Reserve

Wrathmatica - Heartless Heathers

Wrathmatica
#327

aahhAAHHaaahhhh… AHHH!

We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow.
The hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying: Valhalla, I am coming!
On we sweep with threshing oar, Our only goal will be the western shore.

aahhAAHHaaahhhh… AHHH!

We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
How soft your fields so green, can whisper tales of gore,
Of how we calmed the tides of war. We are your overlords.

On we sweep with threshing oar, Our only goal will be the western shore.

So now you’d better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing.

Sailing the Seven Seas

(Retired Heathers)

Apocalipstick Baccha Nailya Bangers (coach)
Barfly Behexen Bella Constrictor (TT)
Bitchin’ Camaro Bump’r Stick’r Butcher Block
Cheery Bomb Cozmo Damage (coach) D-Day
Daisy Duker Effy Stone ‘Em F-Bomb
Ferret Bueller Firecrotch Frostbite
Goodie Two Skates Hard Dash Irie Belle
Izabell Ringer Jamafist Jennings (TT)
Jess in the Box KnockBox Knotty Larue
LT. Uhurta Mace Ventura (TT) Mad-Eye Marli
Megan Moffatt, a.k.a French Tickler Mel Mangles (current coach) Mercy
Mick Swagger Mistress of The Knife Mobi Wan Kenobi
Monacle Debacle Mortar ‘n Pistol Moxie Roxem
Nacho Lucky Day (TT) No Namey Nurse Ratched
PolkaHotAss Rhoda Killer Roarshock Tess
Ruby Bruiseday Schemestress Scratcher in the Eye (TT)
ShameGirl Screaming Beaver Sharin Hate
She-Rex The Situation Skintastic Dynomite
Slay Miserables Slaybia Majora Smalls
Sol Train Story Sugarkill Bang
Sump Pump Sykotica Tatty Munster (TT)
Titania Tara Heartout Tarantula (coach)
TeqKillYa Tofer Griffin (coach) Traggedy Ann
Twat Rocket Uff-da Viagrrra Falls
Vominatrix !Wetback Attack! White Flight
X2Z Willful Miss Conduct Zissou (TT; current coach)

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Headshots and Team Photo by Frank Lavelle