Heartless Heathers

2017 Heartless Heathers

Eaters of faces. Snatchers of hearts. Slayers of enemies.

VALKYRIESpl noun val-ˈkir-ē From Old Norse. Literally means “choosers of the slain.” Often seen riding wild wolves and mustangs, or soaring through the air like ravens scavenging for souls. Beautiful warrior shieldmaidens armed with helmets and spears. Associated with fairness, supernatural powers, and bloodshed.

If you meet a Valkyrie in battle, it means only one thing: your demise is imminent.

Roster

Adrinaline Crush - Heartless Heathers

Adrinaline Crush
#125

Bella Constrictor - Heartless Heathers

Bella Constrictor
#155

Belle Starr - Heartless Heathers

Belle Starr
#1889

Chynadoll Assassin - Heartless Heathers

Chynadoll Assassin
#8

CohnDuct Disorder - Heartless Heathers

CohnDuct Disorder
#5150

Faye Tality - Heartless Heathers

Faye Tality
#21

Frankenskate - Heartless Heathers

Frankenskate
#52

Headache - Heartless Heathers

Headache
#71

JamaFist - Heartless Heathers

JamaFist
#143

Polka - Heartless Heathers

Polka
#311

Scratcher in the Eye - Heartless Heathers

Scratcher in the Eye
#243

ShredHer Cheese - Heartless Heathers

ShredHer Cheese
#64

Short Latte - Heartless Heathers

Short Latte
#802

Story - Heartless Heathers

Story (Captain)
#34

Sui Jennaris - Heartless Heathers

Sui Jennaris
#9

Tegan N. Scare-ya - Heartless Heathers

Tegan N. Scare-ya
#424

Toxic Haste - Heartless Heathers

Toxic Haste
#31

Wrathmatica - Heartless Heathers

Wrathmatica
#327

Zena Zissou - Heartless Heathers

Zena Zissou (Captain)
#721

Coaches

Coach Mel Mangles - Heartless Heathers

Mel Mangles

Coach Tarantula - Heartless Heathers

Tarantula

aahhAAHHaaahhhh… AHHH!

We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow.
The hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying: Valhalla, I am coming!
On we sweep with threshing oar, Our only goal will be the western shore.

aahhAAHHaaahhhh… AHHH!

We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
How soft your fields so green, can whisper tales of gore,
Of how we calmed the tides of war. We are your overlords.

On we sweep with threshing oar, Our only goal will be the western shore.

So now you’d better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing.

Sailing the Seven Seas

(Retired Heathers)

Apocalipstick Baccha Nailya Bangers (coach)
Barfly Behexen Bitchin’ Camaro
The Blast Unicorn Bump’r Stick’r Butcher Block
Cheery Bomb Cozmo Damage (coach) D-Day
Daisy Duker Effy Stone ‘Em F-Bomb
Ferret Bueller Firecrotch Frostbite
Goodie Two Skates Hard Dash Irie Belle
Izabell Ringer Jennings (TT) Jess in the Box
KnockBox Knotty Larue LT. Uhurta
Mace Ventura (TT) Mad-Eye Marli Megan Moffatt, a.k.a French Tickler
Mel Mangles (current coach) Mercy Mick Swagger
Mistress of The Knife Mobi Wan Kenobi Monacle Debacle
Mortar ‘n Pistol Moxie Roxem Nacho Lucky Day (TT)
No Namey Nurse Ratched Rhoda Killer
Roarshock Tess Ruby Bruiseday Schemestress
ShameGirl Screaming Beaver Sharin Hate
She-Rex The Situation Skintastic Dynomite
Slay Miserables Slaybia Majora Smalls
Sol Train Sugarkill Bang Sump Pump
Sykotica Tatty Munster (TT) Titania
Tara Heartout TeqKillYa Tofer Griffin (coach)
Traggedy Ann Twat Rocket Uff-da
Viagrrra Falls Vominatrix !Wetback Attack!
White Flight X2Z Willful Miss Conduct

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Headshots and Team Photo by Frank Lavelle