What comes to mind when you think of a Texas powerhouse with a rich history and a long, illustrious career of trophies and ass-kicking? Wait for it… Chuck Norris, right? Well you’ll be adding the Texas Rollergirls All-Star team the Texecutioners to that list after this Friday’s match-up with our own justice-serving superheroes, the Wheels of Justice. Get ready for an epic clash between two titans of derby. Do you have goosebumps yet? I do. (By the way, did you know that geese actually get ChuckNorrisbumps?) The Texecutioners will make Rose City their first stop on the popular three-game tour of the Northwest (they go on to play Oly on Saturday and Rat City on Sunday). Don’t know much about the Texas Rollergirls, you say? You haven’t added Hell on Wheels to your Netflix Instant Queue yet, you say? Well allow me to enlighten you…
Modern flat track roller derby got its start in Texas. Seriously. Back in 2001 there was a roller derby organization in Austin called Bad Girl Good Woman Productions. After schisms emerged over bank- vs flat-track, a ton of skaters left BGGW in 2003 to form the Texas Rollergirls Rock-n-Rollerderby (flat-track derby). The remaining members of BGGW started recruiting like crazy and eventually founded the TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls (bank-track derby). The Texas Rollergirls (henceforth known as TXRG) continued to develop the sport of flat track roller derby into what was used as the basis for play by new leagues across the country. The Texas Rollergirls created a set of standardized rules which was eventually adopted, tweaked, and ratified by the WFTDA when it was formed in 2005. So TXRG literally wrote the book on modern roller derby. Pretty cool, huh? If you’re lucky enough to know one of the original Rose City Rollers, ask them to tell you about the beginning days of RCR, when they used to watch TXRG games on video and tried to interpret and recreate their playing as best they could (spoiler alert: they may have been wrong some of the time).
Bloody Mary breaks through the pack vs Charm City last season
Enough history. Let’s move on to the recent past. TXRG has been a regular in the WFTDA Championship circuit since the beginning, even taking home the title in 2006. Last season TXRG went into the South Central Regionals ranked #1, and even their loss to Kansas City didn’t keep them from the WFTDA Championships in Chicago. After beating the Bay Area Derby Girls 72-59 they lost to mighty Gotham 151-52, which knocked them out of the running for the coveted Hydra trophy.
And now, the present. TXRG is currently ranked #2 in South Central (according to WFDTA standings), but #12 nationally by Derby News Network. At first glance, TXRG’s 8-1 record seems fairly intimidating. But when you look at the match-ups that TXRG took those wins from, it’s not nearly as impressive. Four of those wins were against Houston (#4 in South Central which, let’s not forget, doesn’t mean the same thing as #4 in the West). They walloped Green Country (#9NC) 267-48, routed Cincinnati (#5NC) 149-61, and scraped by Charm City (#3S) 162-156. Their only loss this year was earlier this month against South #2 Philly (final score a surprising 76-142). When you look at the caliber of the teams TXRG is playing, that 8-1 record just isn’t as frightening.
Our Wheels of Justice may have suffered some tough losses recently (161-63 to Rocky Mountain and 149-142 to Denver), but we have by no means lost our momentum. In fact, the story that the final score against Denver doesn’t show is how WoJ battled back from a 90+ point deficit to lose by a mere 7 points. If that’s not momentum, then Chuck Norris doesn’t actually have another fist underneath his beard instead of a chin. We’ve locked horns with Texas only one other time in Rose City history, when they beat us 113-60 on their own turf in December 2008. WoJ is ranked #5 in the West by WFDTA official rankings, and Derby News Network ranks us at #5 nationally (as of the end of April). We are 4-3 in official bouts, 6-3 if you count non-sanctioned bouts against Rat City and Jet City. WoJ has been bouting their asses off in preparation for whatever lies ahead. This Friday at 8pm it’s the Texecutioners. At the hangar. Doors open at 7pm, the fun starts at 8pm. Tickets are still available here! Get yours before they sell out. I’ll be there with a PBR and a litany of Chuck Norris jokes. Speaking of which: they say that Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Well after this weekend, you can bet that Chuck Norris will be wearing Wheels of Justice pajamas.
Blood Clottia 2U // Cadillac V8 // Heidi-Go-Seek 210 // JK Rolling 934 // Joyride 360 // Layla Smackdown 55 // Mel Mangles 5 // Mercy 100 // Mick Swagger 53 // Minstrel Psycho 28 // Mobi-wan Kenobi 444 // Napalm Beth 74 // Rhea DeRange 357 // Scald Eagle 50 // Scratcher in the Eye 243 // Smack Ya Sideways 140 // SoulFearic ACID 20 // Sully Skullkicker 8 // Twat Rocket 3500 // White Flight 54
Babe Ruthless 9 // Belle Starr 1889 // Bloody Mary 40 // Cheap Trixie 13 // Curvette ’76 // DeBella DeBall 12am // Devil Grrl 66 // Dilla 333 // Luce Bandit 33 // Molotov M. Pale 19 // Olivia Shootin’ John 03 // Ruby Wring 52 // Sarah Hipel 989 // Shank 5’6″ // Shortcut [F2] // Sic Shooter 6 // Smarty Pants 4.0 // The Killa Sal Monella 86 // Vicious Van GoGo 1853 // Virgo Vengeful 914
Anybody know if the Texecutioners bringing Ozzy Zion?