It’s hard to believe it was a only a year ago that I was eagerly anticipating the start of my first ever season as a Rose City Rollers Superfan. Only a few months prior I’d had my coming-to-derby moment, when I walked into the hangar to catch a few minutes of practice and was instantly and forever hooked. The year that followed was full of exciting bouts, amazing new friends, and some of the greatest times of my life. But enough about that. If you’ve found your way to this blog it’s probably because you’ve seen a poster, heard a rumor, or know for a fact that Portland is home to one of the best roller derby leagues in the world: The Rose City Rollers! And if you are privy to this information, you probably know that this weekend starts the sixth season of the pure, unadulterated awesomeness that is roller derby.
So welcome to Season Six! If you’ve already bought your tickets for this weekend (or, like me, your season ticket for the whole year), congrats! If you haven’t, what are you, f***ing crazy?! Do you have any idea how exhilarating and mind-blowing roller derby is?! Do you have a single clue as to the fun you’ll be missing out on?! I didn’t think so. Read on.
(If you are not a derby virgin, feel free to skip this part. You already know how cool roller derby is.)
Yeah, this won't be happening
Roller derby. Is. Awesome. It’s nothing like you’ve seen on late night TV, filmed in the 1970s on a bank track, choreographed, with fist-fights breaking out mid-game. Sorry to disappoint you. It’s also nothing like the movie Whip It. My apologies. What it is is actual hard-core athletes, racing around a flat track in full pads, helmets, and mouth guards, knocking each other over and sometimes flying through the air, crashing into the flimsy barrier that separates the fans from the action. It is a sport. There are rules, and penalties, and time-outs, and points scored. There are also fishnets. And booty shorts. And clever rollergirl names like “Tits N Assphault” or “Teqkillya”. Roller derby is the perfect blend of women playing hard and having fun, to the enjoyment of their adoring fans. Check it out. You won’t regret it.
(Attention derby veterans! Time to tune back in. Important stuff ahead.)
There are lots of interesting things going on this season, including some ground-breaking changes for the league. Some of our bigger events (e.g. this weekend’s Season Opener) will be played at the Memorial Coliseum instead of the Expo Center. In September the Rose City Rollers will host the WFTDA Western Regionals, aka The Bridgetown Brawl (also commonly referred to as “Besterns” because of the wealth of talented teams this tournament brings compared to the other 3 regions in the country). Let me tell you now, you will not want to miss this. Also, the Rose City Rollers are the proud owners of a shiney new track! Even though the new floor is already paid for, the league has launched the Floor It! campaign for donations to help offset the cost. Give some money, get your name on a tile! I have four of them myself.
The most notable change in the Rose City Rollers this season is the development of the “Travel-Team Only” Policy. In addition to the 4 home teams you’ll see competing in the Season Opener, there is a “travel team” made up of the all-star team Wheels of Justice and the b-level all-star team Axles of Annihilation. The Travel-Team Only Policy allows a Wheels of Justice skater to play exclusively for WoJ without having to also be on a home team. Read more about that here. Short version: some of the all-stars you may be used to seeing on a home team won’t be there anymore. Don’t let this stop you from coming to home team bouts. Please. There are some seriously talented skaters that will finally have a chance to shine, and you’ll discover new favorite skaters that will blow your mind. Seriously.
Yet another change for Season Six is that the High Rollers are no longer the underdogs! After an impressive win over the Heartless Heathers in last season’s electrifying League Championships, the High Rollers are now the team to beat! So come to Memorial Coliseum this Saturday (doors open at 5pm, the fun starts at 5:45pm) to see the 4 home teams of the Rose City Rollers battle it out for rankings going into Season Six. I’ll be there, screaming my head off for my favorite team, the Guns N Rollers. See you there!
Barbahella // Dee Dee Monic // Domesticated Violence // FranCheckYa // Frisky Sour // Giv’er No Quarter // Incognegro // Joyride // Leet Speaking Missle // Lethal Lolita // Marollin’ Monroe // Northern Lights Out // Push La Tush // Scrappy Go Lucky // Shove Me Tender // Slim Sheety // SoulFearic Acid // The Mad Splatter // The Princess Snide
Awnry O’Hulligan // Bella Massacre // Dirty Ann Rotten // Harajuke A Girl // Harriet the Sly // Havana Good Time // Juvie Hall // Micro Bruiser // Mora Manipulator // Punchkin // Rolla Reina // Roller Eclipse // Slaughtra // Sugar & Vice
Bump’R Stick’R // Butcher Block // Chynadoll Assassin // D-Day // F-Bomb // Fire Crotch // French Tickler // Mercy // Shame Girl // She-Rex // Skintastic Dynomite // Sol Train // Teqkillya // The Blast Unicorn // Twat Rocket // Uff-Da // White Flight
Devaskating Deva // Heidi-Go-Seek // Honey Hellfire // Hurricane Skatrina // Intensive Scare // KicKassedy // Layla Smackdown // Mia Feral // Minstrel Psycho // Napoleon Blownapart // Penny Dreadful // RAW Footage // Rita Manuel // Schoolgirl Crushher // Sedusa Destroy // Texine // Tits N Assphault // Wreck Deckard
… dont forget the new heathers … blogger … Bump’R Stick’R and Mercy!!!!
Oh thank you, kwpdx, I thought that roster looked a bit short!