Holy kick-ass roller derby Batman! Who else out there can’t stop replaying Saturday night’s bouts in their head? Who wasn’t able to make it to the bouts and needs a recap of the amazing-ness that went on? Well lucky for you unfortunate souls that weren’t there, you’ve come to the right place. And for those of you who were there, well, you just get the pleasure of reliving all the glory.
The first bout, a consolation match that pitted the Guns N’ Rollers against the Break Neck Betties, was a-freakin-mazing, and GnR topped the Betties 104-93 to take third place. Both teams worked hard to keep the opposing jammers from getting through the pack, but let’s face it, it’s pretty difficult to hold back Licker *N* Split, Rhea DeRange, Blood Clottia, Cher the Pain, and Cadillac. These women had some awesome jams. Rhea racked up 17 points in one jam during the first half. Blood earned 19 points in seven jams during the first half and another 30 points in six jams in the second.
Um, and can we talk about the killer blocking by Smack Ya Sideways, Miss Mel Mangles, and Leet Speaking Missile? I’m pretty sure they each laid out at least two or three people in just one half of the bout. And what about those leopard print unitards that Blood and Mangles rocked in the second half? Can you say bootylicious? Okay, okay, I’ll keep my biased opinions to myself…for now.
But seriously, the Break Neck Betties played their hearts out, but GnR took advantage of the Betties’ one and two-point jams, making it happen in the last few minutes of the bout and remaining in control as Blood Clottia racked up the game-winning points in the last jam.
Now on to the championship bout…the Heartless Heaters versus the High Rollers. If I had to describe this bout in one word…I couldn’t do it. In fact, I was pretty speechless throughout the entire bout. No, that’s a lie. I had too much PBR to be speechless. I wanted the Heathers to win (mostly because I love Scratcher in the Eye and she can jam like nobody’s business) but I have to admit that once the bout started I found myself wanting the High Rollers to win because they hadn’t won a championship. But then Wreck Deckard started jamming and I realized that I wanted the High Rollers to win because Wreck Deckard is effin’ awesome.
Don’t get me wrong, I liked Wreck Deckard before the championship bout, but I had only seen Wheels of Justice play* and I’m pretty sure she didn’t do any jamming. My question is why the hell not? But I digress…that’s another topic for another day and probably more appropriate for the fan forum.
Back to the championship. The Heathers and the High Rollers went back and forth the entire bout. HR went on a 20+ point lead early in the bout, but the Heathers came back to tie it up and eventually distanced themselves from HR by about 20 points. In the end, the High Rollers jammed their way to their first-ever RCR championship with a 112-96 victory over the Heathers.
HR jammers Minstrel Psycho, Honey Hellfire, and Wreck Deckard juked and jived their way past formidable HH blockers Mick-U-Cry, Sol Train, Fire Crotch, and Goodie Two Skates. I especially loved Wreck’s use of her teammates’ dresses to whip herself around the track. She ended up with 62 total points–44 points in five jams during the first half (including one 25-point jam) and 18 points in five jams during the second half.
HH jammers Viagrrra Falls, Vominatrix, Twat Rocket, and Scratcher in the Eye provided some amazing jams and racked up big points despite some excellent blocking and defense from the High Rollers. Scratcher ended up with 51 total points, racking up 39 points in six jams during the first half and 12 points in six jams during the second.
There was some confusion in the third jam of the second half when a ref blew the whistle to call off a jam that hadn’t been called off by the lead jammer. Until that point the score was pretty even, but the High Rollers pulled together and ultimately were able to shut Scratcher down in her last four jams. That and the Heathers couldn’t contain the incredibly athletic and skilled HR jammers. And that was without High Roller and Wheels of Justice jammer Sully Skullkicker.
All in all, it was a fantastic night of roller derby and the women of RCR should be proud of a great season. I can’t wait for next season ladies!!!
Feel free to add your own insights and memorable moments in the comments section.
*Disclaimer: Yes, before the championship bout I had in fact only seen the Wheels of Justice play, and I had only seen them play twice. I’m a newbie to roller derby and RCR, but I’m lovin’ every minute of it. Where my “fell-in-love-with-roller-derby-at-first-sight” peeps at?