Gun Control

A quick recap of tonight’s semifinal between the Heatless Heathers and the Guns ‘n Rollers

The Heathers held off what could have been a 30-point comeback by GnR, and punched their ticket to the championship bout on June 19th to defend their title.

GnR stood skate to skate with the Heathers for the first fifteen minutes of the bout, leading by 8 points in the first ten minutes before the Heathers’ Scratcher in the Eye racked up several grand slams, ending the half with 33 points. She got plenty of help from Viagrra Falls, who added 23 points of her own in the half.

GnR’s offense and defense both fell flat for the last ten minutes of the first period, and didn’t recover until the middle of the second. By then, they were down 30 with less than 10 minutes to play.

But with about seven minutes left in the second period, the Heathers’ defense went ice cold, allowing GnR’s Cadillac to come in with a 15-point jam. With the crowd back into the bout, at the two-minute mark Mel Mangles blew past the Heathers’ blockers, a group that had been nearly unbreakable all night, scoring 25 points in her jam.

GnR’s fans in the jungle stood up to cheer their jammer on as she raced around the track, lapping the other skaters several times before the jam clock finally expired.

It was inspiring. The crowd thanked Mangles’ effort with a standing ovation that lasted well through the 30-second changeover. You really should have been there.

People all around the hangar looked up to see how much time was left, crunching the numbers to see whether this comeback was a possibility.

Unfortunately for GnR fans, Scratcher came back with a big jam of her own, icing GnR’s hot streak. With their defense returning to form, anchored by Firecrotch, the Heathers held on to a 101-80 win over GnR.

What a ride.

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About Alexis Christensen

Derby newbie