By Effy Stone ‘Em as Juice Box Hero
Disclaimer: I am not a writer and I don’t know everything about Rat City. If this post sounds like I’m just thinking out loud, it’s because I am.
I am so excited for this night. You have no idea. Rose City and Rat City have their history together. Both leagues are filled with amazing talent and well-known skaters. Really, if you’re not going to be at the Memorial Coliseum on December 1st then you are going to have the most boring evening ever.
Bout #1: Heartless Heathers vs Sockit Wenches
For the first bout of the night, the Heartless Heathers are facing off against the Sockit Wenches. While the Heathers normally skate in blue, they’ll be playing in neon since the Sockit Wenches are also blue. It’ll be a great time (we will also have limited edition merch!) While both teams currently stand in 4th place with their respective leagues, this bout is going to be a great way to start the night off. The Heathers have seen a fair amount of turnover since this time last year and there are a lot of fresh faces on the team, including ex-GnR skater, Mel Mangles. The Sockit Wenches have a lot of talent on their team, including well known Anya Heels. Basically this will be the best bout of the night because you get to see one of RCR’s best blockers against RCRG’s best blockers. Don’t miss it.
Bout #2: GnR vs DLF
The battle of the acronyms is going to take place between Guns N Rollers and Rat City’s Derby Liberation Front. GnR recently took on the Throttle Rockets from Rat City and lost narrowly. GnR is back to defend their honor and with new draftee Ivana Thrasher, from Rainy City, it could totally happen. Besides the Heathers bout, this is the game I’m most looking forward to, mostly so I can heckle Ho Chi Danh. I’m also excited to watch the jammers from this bout. Giant Scald Eagle versus tiny Kamikaze Kim? Yes please. Let’s see how many thousands of points Scald Eagle can get in half an hour.
Bout #3: High Rollers vs Throttle Rockets
If you came to the bout between GnR and the Throttle Rockets then you’ve had a taste of what this bout might be like. The High Rollers have had their fair share of retirements and new draftees over the off season. They’ve kept their go-to blockers, but you’ll see some differences in their jammer rotation. I know nothing about the Throttle Rockets except that they have Killah Kelly and Hard Cora (HardKillah) and it’s safe to assume that they’ll ruin at least one person’s life on the track that night. You could probably make a drinking game out of it.
Bout #4: Break Neck Betties vs Grave Danger
The last bout of the night, first place vs first place, will happen between the Break Neck Betties and Grave Danger. Unfortunately, the Betties have had a lot of awesome people retire from their roster, (keep up to date with roster changes at the Rose City Twitter), but they have also had their share of draftees. Did you hear they drafted FIVE people at the last draft? There’s a chance you’ll see some of those new skaters on the track! I hear that Leet and Dee Dee will be mascots for the Betties and that will obviously be a great time. I predict that this bout will contain lots of fast rollerskating from Mutch Mayhem and Carmen Getsome, lots of hard hits from Scrappy Go Lucky and Licker N Split, and lots of people in the stands saying “Did they just yell ‘Yeah, Betties, Meow?'”
MOST IMPORTANTLY, don’t forget to come to the after party. It will be at the Bossanova Ballroom and there will be dancing and drinking and skaters. I hope the DJ will play Whitney.
Thanks Effy/Juice Box! If you want to get tickets to this anti-boring event, get them online or find a Rose City Roller on the Blitz Bus on Thursday 11/29. They’ll be roaming the streets of Portland with cheap tickets, so follow along on Facebook and Twitter.